don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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