I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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