Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize