you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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