Pants 0. Shit 1.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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