i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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