She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize