im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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