my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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