Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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