community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
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Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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