My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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