her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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