shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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