you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he shaved USA in his pubs
high people should be assigned attendants
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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