Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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