after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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