Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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