There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize