I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize