I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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