The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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