I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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