hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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