end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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