there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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