My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize