Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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