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So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
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