like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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