i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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