You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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