Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize