Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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