i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Panties = found
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize