respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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