Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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