I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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