So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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