So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize