when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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