I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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