I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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