I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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