We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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