I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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