No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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