Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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