apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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