oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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